Sunday, March 18, 2018

First Sunday without Kelsie

Today, March 18, 2018, was a very sad day.
When I got up and went downstairs, there was no little sleepy dog in the laundry room curled up in her warm bed. Sometimes she would be waiting at the gate, anxious to be let out. Lately she slept in often, and had to be called to go outside. I had taken her bed and blankets out yesterday and thrown them away. I had also thrown away her water and food dishes, as it hurts too much to be reminded that dear Kelsie will no longer need them.

The saddest thing of all was when I made French toast for breakfast, and as I was eating it, the tears began to flow. I always saved a little piece for her; I had done so recently as she loved French toast with real eggs; she wouldn't eat the kind that Robert made with his artificial eggs as part of his low fat diet. I cried and cried because she was no longer there at my feet and nor will she ever be again.
Today has been a really hard day.
I thought I wouldn't stop crying. It was awful.
I can leave the kitchen door open again. I've had to keep it closed since last June, when dear Kelsie had incontinent problems. She never could understand why she was kept out of the living room. It became too hard to clean up the rug.
We tried to spend a lot of time with her in the kitchen, but the past few months she was sleeping a lot in the daytime. She was very old and tired and her energy level went way down. I even had to tape pieces of wax paper on the bottom of the glass French door, so she couldn't peer in at me sitting on the couch; she would bark really loud. She couldn't understand the paper being there either. She would sometimes stand way back by the sliding door, and bark at me from there if she needed out.
I cannot believe how much I miss that dear dog. It actually feels like my heart is breaking. It hurts so badly.
Yesterday after I'd cleaned out the laundry room, I noticed this little paw print. It was like Kelsie said good-bye to me.
Goodnight, me sweet Kelsie. xo

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